I don't even really have words

[certainthings]

Little while ago someone over yonder uploaded The Perfect Penis. I'm watching it now. Maybe some of you have seen it. Maybe you haven't.

Yeah. Under the cut is a picture of a man's dick and balls. This picture isn't work safe. I'm pretty sure it's not life safe either.

This man has had silcone implants. This man sometimes refers to it as "the blob". This man can no longer have sex and he's okay with this. He can't stand and pee. Nor can he sit and pee. He has to sort of squat over the toilet bowl.

These have been your warnings. Now, come. Join me in the why would anyone do this to themselves. And the wtfery of it all.

Comments

[fullonswayzeed.livejournal.com]

He has the biggest dick in the world and he can't have sex. IRONIC.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Mmhmm

[crackedbuthappy.livejournal.com]

What do you - I mean HOW do you - it's just - OH DEAR GOD.


His dick and balls look like a goiter.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Pretty much, yeah.

[sophiebriand.livejournal.com]

ugh. ugh. ugh. so not sexy.

it kind of looks like this man's pet. i'm assuming he doesn't go to work, either, right? jeebus.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

He has some website but I think he could go to work, maybe. I'm not sure.

[earthquakedream.livejournal.com]

why would they even let him do that to himself? it's..disgusting. D:

...edited so i can use a more appropriate icon.

ALSO HOW DOES HE EVEN FIT THAT THING IN HIS PANTS?? DOES HE LEAVE THE HOUSE?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I really do not know. Because seriously.

I guess he wears really loose in the crotch pants. And he does, they showed him walking down the street. Well, the camera was just focused on his crotch area but yeah.

[offside.livejournal.com]

what. the actual. fuck.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Right?!

[oreius.livejournal.com]

Idiot!

[oreius.livejournal.com]

Ok, so I just looked at the bigger version of the picture and WTF!!?! I just died laughing because my second thought was I wonder what the come load is like......... >.>

[laurondo.livejournal.com]

Dumbass.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Heh. Yes.

[gwendolynmstacy.livejournal.com]

What the fuck? No, you know what, just fucking no.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

There's not enough no in the world.

[killerweasel.livejournal.com]

O_o

And of course I couldn't help myself and clicked on the picture to make it larger.

... Can he walk? And I'm trying to figure out how he puts on pants. I'm picturing a third pantleg just for the 'blob'.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Hah. He can walk. They showed him walking.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

HOW DOES...WHAT DOES...WHAAAA?

It doesn't even really LOOK like a man's private parts anymore.

I'm disturbed beyond what I actually thought I could be disturbed anymore.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

It so doesn't. I mean if I just saw it and the rest of the picture had been cut out and I didn't know ... I'm not sure that 'dick and balls' would be my first guess. Yanno?

[arami.livejournal.com]

o_O

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

[nomelon.livejournal.com]

Wait, was this the outcome that he wanted? Or just a botched op that he's okay with because he came out of it with a big dick? I'm confused at the okay with not having sex part. And laughing on the inside. Uh, I think.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Yep. That's what he wanted. I don't know why exactly.

[annella.livejournal.com]

WHAT. WHAT. NO. GOD. THAT IS SO WRONG. *sob*

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Heh. It's so wrong there's not a strong enough word to say just how fucking wrong it is.

[citibyrd.livejournal.com]

UM. I just. WHAT?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Yeah, just about that.

[giantlovetingle.livejournal.com]

oh. my. god. that's gotta be one of the weirdest things i've ever seen or heard about. seriously? why!? and how was performing that procedure even legal? is this set in the states?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

That part was, yeah. He lives in San Francisco. I don't know how that's legal or well to THAT extreme.

[annapeace.livejournal.com]

Oh god when you said he couldn't stand and pee or sit and pee, my first thought was OMG HE CAN'T PEE ANYMORE? WON'T HE DIE?

Then I thought OMG HE HAS A CATHETER IN HIM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE?

And then I was a smart person and read the rest of that paragraph. God, it's good he can't have sex, because I sure as hell don't want that thing near me. It'd be like "hey honey, let's get it on - JESUS WHAT IS GROWING FROM YOUR DICK? OH GOD!"

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Ahaahahaaha. I'd hope most people would freak out if they saw that coming at them.

[gottalovev.livejournal.com]

0_0

okay then.

The blob indeed! WHY?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Heh. I do not know why really.

[diner]

It looks like a rock actually, all hard and EWW that's just BLUGH. Dear lord.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

It does. He should paint it like people do for their pet rocks.

[allzugern.livejournal.com]

o.O

*hands*

[allzugern.livejournal.com]

And you know what's more frightening than that dick? Somewhere out there, some gay man is wondering how he can get it up his ass.

[jeyhawk.livejournal.com]

It's like he stuffed the elephant man in his pants... WHY?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

He wanted a midget arm as his dick?

[quidditchkiss.livejournal.com]

WHY DID I CLICK ON IT.

WHY DID I CLICK ON IT.

WHY DID I CLICK ON IT.

WHY DID I CLICK ON IT.

WHY DID I CLICK ON IT.

WHY DID I CLICK ON IT.

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahahahhahahaaha. *ahem*

[popmusicjunkie.livejournal.com]

WHY?

What is the point? I just do not get it.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I don't know.

[sonicbookmark.livejournal.com]

I thought I was prepared but I wasn't.

WHAT THE FLIPPING FUCK DID HE DO THAT TO HIMSELF FOR???

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Aahahahahaha.

I don't really get why he did it.