certainthings

I've decided to subject you to the horror of this book one more time because a) I like sharing, b) not only was it confusing and badly worded but sometimes it was lame and c) I decided that I needed a "Mark cried" tag and when I'm going to use that? And I think there is a good place to end a sentence. Right then. Some more bits from various stories.

[01]

"Stop that biting thing," Peter said. She snapped her jaws. A small animal with dark fierce eyes.

"I just want to bite all this slow air around things."

****

He looked across the wide table at Jilly and tried to figure out the color of her eyes. They were cement with pieces of glass. In dreams, the shadow under her eyes flew off her face and settled in his ear, telling him things that bothered him and made him want her near him. A feeling that stayed with him when he was awake.

01. That first bit made me think that Jilly was a dog but no. Just some girl who wants to bite at the slow air ... Whatever that means.
02. That dream sounds kind of disturbing. Couldn't the author just say, 'I think I fancy this girl.'?

[02]

That morning in bed we were too wired to sleep so we watched an early movie. A black and white I couldn't follow. There were people, men and women. They gazed past each other and laughed and cried. Children didn't exist. They walked up a hill and entered a lush valley. This meant the movie was over. They looked at each other, embraced and moved apart.

01. This movie sounds worse than that movie with the dog.

[03]

With her blonde hair pulled back she looked good enough to look at.

01. "looked good enough to look at." I think that is by far the best description I have ever read. Ever. I don't write often but I'm seriously considering adding it to any and all drabbles and fictional conversations that I write.

[04]

Part of the hill went right up to the top of Future House. I climbed up to the third level and looked in to see the master bedroom. He was lying there and he was pulling at it. In the champagne glass with his pants around his knees.

01. All right, I'm on board for the Realtor (that's who it was, I'm fairly sure) jerking off in the master bedroom of this "Future House" but I don't understand "in the champagne glass." ... he had his dick in there? Or uhm ... I don't have any other ideas. Please explain.

[05]

The woman had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. Seaweed-colored and good to look at in the heat and her left eye was as yellow as the sun. She pointed to a house. That's the store, she said. You need to go there, to see things you've never seen before.

I saw what I had never seen before. A young girl with scabby knees, with a baby at her breast and a white dog with red eyes.

01. I'm not 100% sure but I think I might hate this part the most. I want to punch these words in the face.

And I believe that concludes our look at why reading is bad and doesn't always make our speaking English good.

Little while ago someone over yonder uploaded The Perfect Penis. I'm watching it now. Maybe some of you have seen it. Maybe you haven't.

Yeah. Under the cut is a picture of a man's dick and balls. This picture isn't work safe. I'm pretty sure it's not life safe either.

This man has had silcone implants. This man sometimes refers to it as "the blob". This man can no longer have sex and he's okay with this. He can't stand and pee. Nor can he sit and pee. He has to sort of squat over the toilet bowl.

These have been your warnings. Now, come. Join me in the why would anyone do this to themselves. And the wtfery of it all.

( oh sweet moses )

I am going to marry Neil Patrick Harris.

( Dr. Horrible Part II spoilers )