burnt orange lipstick

[certainthings]

I've decided to subject you to the horror of this book one more time because a) I like sharing, b) not only was it confusing and badly worded but sometimes it was lame and c) I decided that I needed a "Mark cried" tag and when I'm going to use that? And I think there is a good place to end a sentence. Right then. Some more bits from various stories.

[01]

"Stop that biting thing," Peter said. She snapped her jaws. A small animal with dark fierce eyes.

"I just want to bite all this slow air around things."

****

He looked across the wide table at Jilly and tried to figure out the color of her eyes. They were cement with pieces of glass. In dreams, the shadow under her eyes flew off her face and settled in his ear, telling him things that bothered him and made him want her near him. A feeling that stayed with him when he was awake.

01. That first bit made me think that Jilly was a dog but no. Just some girl who wants to bite at the slow air ... Whatever that means.
02. That dream sounds kind of disturbing. Couldn't the author just say, 'I think I fancy this girl.'?

[02]

That morning in bed we were too wired to sleep so we watched an early movie. A black and white I couldn't follow. There were people, men and women. They gazed past each other and laughed and cried. Children didn't exist. They walked up a hill and entered a lush valley. This meant the movie was over. They looked at each other, embraced and moved apart.

01. This movie sounds worse than that movie with the dog.

[03]

With her blonde hair pulled back she looked good enough to look at.

01. "looked good enough to look at." I think that is by far the best description I have ever read. Ever. I don't write often but I'm seriously considering adding it to any and all drabbles and fictional conversations that I write.

[04]

Part of the hill went right up to the top of Future House. I climbed up to the third level and looked in to see the master bedroom. He was lying there and he was pulling at it. In the champagne glass with his pants around his knees.

01. All right, I'm on board for the Realtor (that's who it was, I'm fairly sure) jerking off in the master bedroom of this "Future House" but I don't understand "in the champagne glass." ... he had his dick in there? Or uhm ... I don't have any other ideas. Please explain.

[05]

The woman had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. Seaweed-colored and good to look at in the heat and her left eye was as yellow as the sun. She pointed to a house. That's the store, she said. You need to go there, to see things you've never seen before.

I saw what I had never seen before. A young girl with scabby knees, with a baby at her breast and a white dog with red eyes.

01. I'm not 100% sure but I think I might hate this part the most. I want to punch these words in the face.

And I believe that concludes our look at why reading is bad and doesn't always make our speaking English good.

Comments

[gwendolynmstacy.livejournal.com]

The hell are you reading? Actually, how the hell did this even get published is a better question.

With her blonde hair pulled back she looked good enough to look at.

What did the author run out of ways to build description? /sarcasm

He was lying there and he was pulling at it. In the champagne glass with his pants around his knees.

There is no other explanation other than the one you provided.

Remind me to never read this book. I am facepalming.

There is this movie on lifetime and Locke (ala "Lost") is it in and he has hair and a mustache. It was mind boggling I tell you.

[rustydog.livejournal.com]

Actually, how the hell did this even get published is a better question.

Exactly what I was wondering! It *can't* have had an editor! At least not a sober one.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I looked and the book was published by uhm, "Gutter Press" which makes me laugh. And laugh some more.

I'm not sure if she ran out of ways or just plain ol' didn't even try.

I dunno. Maybe you should read the book and it'll make you appreciate all other books that much more.

[meltingconfetti.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha. 'Mark cried' is an awesome tag and should be used always whenever you find anything questionable and/or stupid.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I think it might come in handy when I talk about Supernatural. :p

[openmydoors.livejournal.com]

These just get worse and worse, don't they.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Yes, they do.

[openmydoors.livejournal.com]

I'm surprised you ended up finishing the book.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I think that if it'd been a bigger book I wouldn't have.

[openmydoors.livejournal.com]

How many pages was it?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

126 pages.

[openmydoors.livejournal.com]

That's really not too bad. For the load of crazy, I mean.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

No, it's not.

[lembeau.livejournal.com]

Since the stupid burns I think it should be burned. That way the only thing worthwhile to come out of that book would be the heat it would generate while turning into ash. Would that make you feel better?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I don't think that I could ever burn a book but should some emergency come up and I need fire ... well, that book might be the first to go.

[lightly.livejournal.com]

Was the author on drugs? Those words sound like the product of some serious hallucinogenics.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I read the back cover of the book to see if there was any hint that maybe the author was into drugs or a recovering drug addict but no. And that might be more frightening.

[fitz-y.livejournal.com]

i have been amused by what you've shared from this book. and i salute you for plowing through it. wow, i agree, drugs must be the only explanation for this writing.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

The stories really helped show me what bad writing was and for that I am thankful.

[mistojen.livejournal.com]

This book is special, Smidge...good God. Where the hell did you find this amazing piece of literature, anyway? The writing desk of a fifteen-year-old Engrish Are Not My First Language budding author?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I actually found it on sale at the library. Guess I know why they got rid of it. :p

[beckytheelf.livejournal.com]

OH GOOD GOD. What *are* you reading? Is it something Stephenie Meyer wrote? LOL.
Clearly the only reading one needs to do is porn. Obvs.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha. I dunno. I mean, I don't think Stephenie Meyer is a good writer but at least she makes sense.

[devidarkwolf.livejournal.com]

OMG, I loled so hard at this, especially "I want to punch these words in the face," because LOL. Idek. It's like they're trying for a more conversational kind of prose and it's just... nonsensical. What book is this? Did it have the world's most blind editor? Good lord.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

That one bit and really the whole story it was apart of was the one I hated the most. And yes, the editor was blind but also an alcholic and possibly suffering from early Alzheimer's.

[cherrymmm.livejournal.com]

What the frickin hell are you reading??? This sounds like a challenged 7 year old wrote it. Holy crap, I can't believe you kept on reading.

P.S. 'Mark cried' is an awesome tag. I want to steal it for me!

ETA: I apologize for insulting 7 year olds everywhere, challenged or otherwise.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Haha. I felt that I should keep on reading so that I would know what true badness was.

Feel free to steal and use the "Mark cried" tag. It could come in handy.

[agt-league.livejournal.com]

MAKE IT STOPPPPPP. :p

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha. Neeeeeeeeeeever!

[avellis.livejournal.com]

JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS THIS.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Examples of bad writing? :p

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

:D These excerpts are their own unique form of pain.

How could you actually finish this book?

She snapped her jaws. A small animal with dark fierce eyes.
COMMAS, motherfucker. Use them.

He was lying there and he was pulling at it. In the champagne glass with his pants around his knees.
I don't think you can "pull" while fucking a champagne glass. Pick one.

The woman had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. Seaweed-colored and good to look at in the heat and her left eye was as yellow as the sun.
The heat improves eye color? Or the attractiveness of same? And how is her left eye both green and "yellow as the sun"?

I think you just need to try a better author. God, try ANY author other than this one. Holy self-indulgent diarrhetic prose, Batman. o_O

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Hahaha. I finished it as quickly as possible and also very carefully. It was only 126 pages so it wasn't *that* bad ... except for how it was.

... Are you saying the heat doesn't improve your eye colour? I think that next time it it warm and you and your husband are outside you should ask him if the heat has improved your eye colour.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

I can see the sunlight improving its color, but the heat? Wrong sensory path.

This guy is an appalling writer, and I use the term "writer" as loosely as possible. :0

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Girl. And yes, I agree.

[giantlovetingle.livejournal.com]

"LOOKED GOOD ENOUGH TO LOOK AT" omggggg, favourite. <333

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

It's just so descriptive, it's beautiful, really.