certainthings

Ed: There are definitely holes in your 'Let's get pie to grow legs' theory.
Hugh: What we have to do is not kill the cow, cover it in pastry and then it can run on its own.

Frankie: Think of the horror if a pie with human hands turned bad, imagine being throttled to death by a pie.
Dara: How ironic a death that would be, to be killed literally by a pie. 'I knew I'd get you eventually,' says the pie who also has a mouth.

Russell: I just walk into a factory and declare at them, 'I WANT LEGS ON PIES!' and then I walk out.
Dara: How? Don't give me "how?" I'm not the how guy, I pay you to be the how guy. I just get the idea, you fill in the details.

Hugh: Could you not just carry a guard pie around with you that would attack people?
Russell: Mr. Dennis, welcome to the executive board. He's thinking out loud. Guard pies. Of course, that's the next plan.

* * *
Supernatural 4x03 In the Beginning

Dear Kripke,

I'm not really sure what that was all about but uh, while Mitch is a great actor Ron White is Mary's father. Please be finding a way to correct this mistake.

Sincerely,
A slightly deranged fangirl.

... Just what? I mean, yeah. But fucking hell. A big fat hen NO.

Let's just all hold hands and get Sam horsebacking riding with Giles now. Before it's too late.

When exactly are the Supernatural S3 dvds released? Uh, released in N. America? I'd very much like to change my default icon to one from the gag reel but some people are waiting and blah blah blah the day of or maybe the day after they are released? Game on! :p

eta: thank you.

* * *

[If this is the answer what is the question? The answer is 9.]

Frankie: Is it how many dwarves were originally in Snow White before political correctness forced the removal of Poofy and Rapey?

Audience: *laughs and cheers*

Lucy: Is it how many weeks is Peaches Geldof's marriage going to last?

Audience: *boos*

David: All that stuff? ... Rapey the Dwarf is just good clean fun?

Russell: That was the weirdest reaction.

* * *

Hugh: At least we win at sports in which a human is best. If you're really good at swimming you're always going to get beaten by a fish, if you're good at running you're always going to get beaten by a cheetah, but you try putting a bloody pilchard on a bicycle ...

Russell: Waitaminute, so you're suggesting that after Phelps won his eighth gold medal we should have released a shark and gone, 'Beat that.'

* * *

Frankie: Who wants to swim that much? I mean if your daughter says to you, "I want to go swimming." Okay, yeah take her to the beach, take her for a swim. If she says, "I want to go swimming at six in the morning and then for a further four hours after school every day." Say, "No, go to the park drink some cider and have some disappointing sex."

* * *

Hugh: They said that Michael Phelps is perfectly designed for swimming. Which is bollocks, if he was he'd have a fin, he'd have gills ... THAT IS WHY SHARKS ARE FASTER!

* * *
[re: David Cameron]

Andy: Cameron said, 'I'm not at all smug.'

David: It's not for him to say, is it? We'll be the fucking judge of how smug you are, you smug shit.

Russell Howard: I like putting marbles up my brother's bum. Don't judge me, I did that once. I'm not showing off but when you're eight and your little brother is six, the power you have is incredible. 'I put some marbles up your bum.' 'Why?' 'If we get enough in there you turn into a wizard.' '*gasp* Fill me up! Fill me up!'


...I don't even know!

Frankie Boyle: If God created us all, then he also created gay people. And the reason that God created gay people was that he knew occasionally we'd need help getting the party started. God also created stuff just for gays, he didn't create Sarah Jessica Parker for us, she's for gay men. She's either a really ugly woman or a really beautiful sea horse.