I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole.

[certainthings]

I understand how scissors can beat paper, and I get how a rock can beat scissors, but there's no fucking way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody. A rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock paper scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, 'Oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole.'

© ?

Comments

[keeplistening.livejournal.com]

I WANT COOKIES. *bakes you brownies*

AHAHAH THAT IS HILARIOUS. Where do you find these things? :D

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

And I want brownies. *trades you*

[affectingly.livejournal.com]

Oh god, that was beautiful. Sometimes, that's how I feel about LIFE.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Hear hear

[pippilottah.livejournal.com]

I think I heard that in a movie... Or maybe I heard Demetri Martin or another comedian say it.
Anyways, I like it.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I think I've heard it before or read it but I can't remember where.

[pippilottah.livejournal.com]

I don't know if it is Demetri Martin but now I'm watching videos with him and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. You heard he got his own show on Comedy Central?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I did hear about that but I had forgotten until you mentioned it just now. What sort of clips are you watching?

[pippilottah.livejournal.com]

The ones they have on Comedy Central's website. And I'm rewatching the Colbert for President (of South Carolina) '08 clips :D

[buffyaddict13.livejournal.com]

that quote kicks ass. *is happy*

also, cookies are yummy.

*wraps you blanket*

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

But too many cookies aren't so good.

thank you

[stir-of-echoes.livejournal.com]

*snort*

*hands you a cookie*

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Another cookie? I think I'll pass thanks. :)

[quarterwhore.livejournal.com]

Hee. *giggles* I'm so going to use that someday. *g*

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Just the quote or do you think you'll actually punch someone? If you do punch someone remember to take notes and/or remember it all to tell us about it.

[quarterwhore.livejournal.com]

I suppose it depends on what I had bet on the rock paper scissors game. But yeah, I'll totally videotape it and put it on YouTube. ;D

[pushingyouaway.livejournal.com]

hee! that was one of my favorite away messages! i still have no idear where it's from, either

mmm...cookies. me wants

*saves you cake for later*

[winterweathered.livejournal.com]

I'd bet it's Dane Cook. :)

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

It does sound like something he'd say

[hkath.livejournal.com]

It's definitely Demetri Martin, I was just showing it to my dad the other day! He also has a line about how it should be Rock, Paper, Dynamite-With-a-Cuttable-Wick :D

[rustydog.livejournal.com]

Heh, that is a funny quote. I'm sending it to my brother. I did a websearch and there doesn't seem to be an attribution anywhere! Huh.

I hope you feel better now that you've got Supernatural and such. ::hug::

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

People are saying that it's Demetri Martin who said it. I don't know if that's 100% accurate though.

:hugs back: I am feeling better.