burnt orange lipstick

[certainthings]

Well, I finished reading a book. Sure, it was short and was of short stories but still. A book is a book. But uhm, I think maybe I now know why I stopped reading them - I was thinking it was because they weren't about Sam and Dean having hot gay incestuous sex - but no, I think it's because I don't understand them.

Here's another part from a different short story:

Ann came out of the bathroom wearing a colossal black robe which dragged behind as she sauntered. With her hair wet the bones of her face appeared large and beautiful.

"Drop the robe," said Mark.

"I'm tired of you, my liege," she said as she shook her head and smiled, revealing her small sharp teeth.

"Drop the robe," said Orelio.

"I'm tired of you, my lord."

"There was an orangutan," said Orelio. "It walked down a sunshine street. It stood up and said, I'm a silly monkey."

Mark cried. Orelio left the room and Ann sat on his lap. She offered him her breasts. Orelio came in and they hugged. "We need some food. What we need is some food."

What. The. Fuckity Fuck?

01. How and why would that make Mark cry? [bonus question: Is this Mark fellow the biggest sissy in fictional history?]
02. How is Ann able to sit on Orelio's lap and offer him her breasts if he's left the room?
03. Do they really need some food or do they need to stop taking really bad drugs?

Comments

[ghoulchick.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! You are like my fanfic-hunting counterpart in the world of published literature. :P

Okay, how about this: Mark is crying because he realizes he's trapped in a story that is utter crap and makes no sense. Ann is not sitting on Orelio's lap; she's sitting on Mark's lap. (The poor choice of an indeterminate pronoun - he - when there are two "he" options makes this unclear, but I'm assuming from the context that it MUST be Mark, since Orelio has trucked his ass right on out of the room... possibly because he, too, realizes the horrid fic circumstance he's mired in and is all, "I can't believe that wanker of an author just made me say that stupid shit about the orangutan and the fucking sunshine street. Fuck it, I'm outta here.")

Ann's maybe trying to make Mark feel better about this stupid story. "Aww, quit your crying, have a breast or two." Orelio, taking his cues from Ann, comes back to hug them both in a show of comfort and solidarity - "Folks, I'm right there with you. This story is crapass. There there, it'll be okay. What we need is some food. You know how a pint of Ben & Jerry's after a breakup is just the thing? Yeah. We're gonna feed our pain."

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I was thinking it was probably Mark's lap but it's worded oh so badly.

"I can't believe that wanker of an author just made me say that stupid shit about the orangutan and the fucking sunshine street. Fuck it, I'm outta here."
Hahahahahaha. *ahem* I love the way you think.