these things are not related.

[certainthings]

As you may have read on your flist some guy was randomly stabbed and beheaded while travelling on a Greyhound bus. It's shocking, horrible, tragic and many other strong words.

And so now there's a page dedicated to him over at Facebook. Which, personally isn't my cup of tea but whatever. The part that I do have a big problem with though is this -

"If any of his family or friends join this group I want you to know I will have u in my thoughts as Tim is now in a better place."

Okay. Just. No. And fuck you. Do NOT use "u" as a freaking word on a page like that, in a post like that. That is tacky and well, stupid. Also? Maybe YOU believe he's in a better place and that's great but don't tell the family that, don't tell people that cared about him that. You don't know what they believe. Maybe they don't believe in a better after life, maybe they were Satan worshippers, maybe this and maybe that. And if they do believe in a better after life ... I don't know that someone would really want to hear that so soon after something so digusting happened.

Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

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I posted 16 Heart icons here



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It's possible I had something else to say but I don't remember what it was or could have been.

Comments

[isisfrog.livejournal.com]

I agree with you.

Also, I've rode Greyhound before, and it sucks ass even more now than it did when I was a kid.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I've ridden the Greyhound once maybe twice many moons ago. I don't remember what it was like but I'm sure it wasn't fun.

[onelittlesleep.livejournal.com]

AIE. The 'better place' thing is ALWAYS ALWAYS going to be patronizing and, worst of all, dismissing. Like "Hey, he's in a better place! Why are you STILL so heavy about this, months later??"

When my best friend had a miscarriage, she heard a LOT of that. "Your baby is in a better place," (which was awful, so it's better for the baby to be ELSEWHERE than with her??) and "Your baby is with GOD."

Basically, I think death is for the living. You cannot know what happens after death or be able to really SAY, unconditionally, that after death the spirit is somewhere 'better' or 'good'. All you can do is be there for the living as they suffer loss, and be as useful and attentive as possible.

Anyway, people are so stupid about death! I don't get it, because we ALL die! So we're all going to know people who have died or die ourselves. I don't get how we can all have this common experience yet suck so bad at relating to each other.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Hear hear and amen. *strongly agrees with this comment*

[blind-acrobat.livejournal.com]

fuck yeah. there is something so horrible about telling people that their loved ones are better off somewhere than with them - even if it's supposed to be with a higer being in a place of peace, yadda yadda ... love means you want to have your loved ones closed to you. it's actually the reason why my mother "quit" religion. she was at sunday school once (catholic) and the priest was ranting about the afterlife, and telling the kids that they shouldn't be sad when their parents die, because they'll be sitting right next to Jesus, and seriously, what more could someone possibly want ? I don't mean to be insulting to anyone with strong christian beliefs in here, I am just saying, when you are a kid, and your parents die, this is possibly the most traumatizing thing ever, and I don't think that telling them it's ok because they're better off where they are (implying that regardless of the fact they're leaving you lonely, hopeless, without support and possibly without care, it's a good thing) is going to make them feel any better.

so, the priest was like "are you going to be happy when your parents die ?"

and of course the kids applauded because they'll be in a better place.

I don't think this priest really used appropriate methods of teaching, really, but that sort of threw my mother off.

anyway, no one cares, point is made that your comment is right and i agree.

[onelittlesleep.livejournal.com]

haha, I actually have strong christian beliefs! But I think a lot of churches are based on very trauma-inducing, shame-inducing shit that has less to do with God and more to do with bad interpretation and power. What that priest said was APPALLING. Especially because children go through a very important, incredibly life-changing stage, when they realize their parents are mortal and have to learn to deal with that. Telling them not to be SAD is like, negating that ENTIRE experience!

Also, being SAD about not being with someone doesn't have to have anything to do with accepting a higher power. If I lost my husband or child, I would be eternally sad just for missing them. Would I STILL believe they were with God? Yes, in my own way that I experience God, I would. But that doesn't ALTER my sadness. Loss is profound. You can't just believe it away. No matter what happens to loved ones after death, the sadness comes with them not BEING there. That won't change! And that's also why I think death is for the living in a lot of ways. It's for those left behind to struggle.

[blind-acrobat.livejournal.com]

I agree on every possible way, and I also agree on the fact that dogma can have a negative impact on faith.

[onelittlesleep.livejournal.com]

Yes! My friend is Catholic, and the dogma she experiences in her church offers her a very powerful tool for...examining her beliefs and relationship with God. Experience of God should come first, and dogma should only guide it or support it. But usually, it happens the other way around and I just don't get how people build faith from that.

[benitle.livejournal.com]

Tacky - that's exactly what it is. Wow. I just... I don't even have words.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I so want to bitch slap that person upside the head. Hard. And repeatedly.

[americangrl69.livejournal.com]

I agree completely. The 'u' is so tacky. Especially when it's something as serious as that. I don't mind it in ims or text but this is just being lazy. Though I know there's people in this world that don't see the big deal with it. I'm not even gonna start on the religious aspect of the post because I could go on all day about that.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

So so very tacky. Just. Ugh.

[blind-acrobat.livejournal.com]

in total agreement with you.

saying he's "in a better place" is a judgement passed on someone's own personal, individual belief system and should not be transmitted to someone else - especially in a period of grief during which no matter what your faith tells, you still love, miss the person and wish there were there with you. because it's human. granted, someone do seem to think that this "better place" thing helps the healing, but the man was stabbed and beheaded randomly on a bus, i think the healing will take quite some time.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Exactly just that.

[allzugern.livejournal.com]

I lost two immediate family members to sudden and violent death. I, blissfully, can not remember anyone ever making such asinine and inane statements. Talk about rudely dismissing someone's grief. Really, best to just say 'I'm sorry' and leave it at that, than out yourself as a totally insensitive jerk.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

*strongly agrees*

[winterweathered.livejournal.com]

I know this isn't remotely the same, but when my friend Tim died people left these ridiculous wall-posts to him all over the place - "I miss you, it's not the same without you, etc etc." It frustrated me so much because I felt like... if you were really grieving, you wouldn't need to do it in such a bizarre public forum. AND, I'm sorry, but if you draw comfort from the idea that wherever Tim is now he might be CHECKING HIS FACEBOOK... you need a little fresh air.

Anyway, I feel like this is similar, albeit on a much grander scale. People trying to connect themselves to a tragedy for some strange reason or another.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

It is rather similar and equally frustrating, I do agree.

[bitterbird.livejournal.com]

that is so wrong, in so many ways, I actually hope his family dont see that

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I hope they don't either.

[gwendolynmstacy.livejournal.com]

That's just . . . wrong.

Also *smishes you*

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

So very.


*glomps you*

[giantlovetingle.livejournal.com]

I read that on the net this morning. So fucking weird, especially since there was no motive/reason.

I totally agree with you A) use full words!! B) What if his better place was here on frickin earth!? Dude should have just stuck with "You'll be in my thoughts during this difficult time"

YAY ICONS!! :D

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

*agrees*

[agt-league.livejournal.com]

UGH. Totally tacky and just... no. *rage*

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

*joins you*

[enablelove.livejournal.com]

I agree with you about using u, its not done. Esp. in that situation! *shakes head*

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

It's just so freaking tacky.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Way too many.