Remember when Dean said...

[certainthings]

Dean: You know, when we were little-- you couldn't been more than 5 -- you just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom? Why do we always have to move around? Where'd Dad go when he'd take off for days at a time? I remember I begged you-- "Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know." [chuckles softly] I just wanted you to be a kid...Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you...Keep you safe...Dad didn't even need to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job... I had one job... [voice breaking] And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry. [wiping away the tears] I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? [crying] What am I supposed to do? Sammy. God. [sniffles] What am I supposed to do? [inhales sharply] What am I supposed to do?!

Comments

[sj0126.livejournal.com]

oh dean. how i love you.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

*checks the strongly agree box*

[sj0126.livejournal.com]

you know, im pretty sure dean always wanted to protect sam. as an older sister myself, its just part of your self to want to protect your younger sibling. its a big part of who i am.

but john telling him every 47 seconds to watch out for sammy prolly just made him feel like he wasn't doing a good enough job.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Maybe. But sometimes it just seems like Show is trying to force "John, is a no good terrible father." down our throats, and I disagree. Not to say that John should've won Best Father of Decade award but yeah.

[gwendolynmstacy.livejournal.com]

Oh Dean. *sighs*

[punnky-kitty.livejournal.com]

I think Dean took on the responsibility and expected his dad to see how good of a job he did. However, he also wanted his dad to just.. be his dad at the same time; take the weight off of him BECAUSE he was being so responsible.
:(

Poor Dean.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I heart him

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

*nods* Most likely.

[gwendolynmstacy.livejournal.com]

Don't we all?

[mrscutedean.livejournal.com]

I have to admit I was pissed at the last epiosde when Dean basically blamed John for everything in the world. I know John could be a shitty father in making wrong decisions some times but I really felt that was unfair. John did not LET Mary die and he also didn't force Dean to watch out for Sam. Yes he stressed it a good few times but you've quoted the exact words there, 'Dad didn't even have to tell me' it irked this last episode it irked.

End of the day John told Dean he was proud of him and DIED for him, forsaking the mission he'd waged for over twenty years for his son. How there's any doubt from Dean that he didn't care about him is beyond me. Did John make questionable decisions, hell yes, did he put too much on Dean at times, sure he did, but he loved his son and the show was out of order for that scene I felt. I bristled for John.

[gwendolynmstacy.livejournal.com]

Plus, I mostly just from that still thinks he blames himself for everything more than not on occasion and well . . . '*wibble*' covers it, I think. Plus even though I didn't say it live I think Dean thought if he took care of Sam good enough John might care more (not that he doesn't but . . . ) *shrug*

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

That's how I feel only you expressed it a lot better than I could've.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Honestly? I don't think so.

[delicatelight.livejournal.com]

Oh, Dean.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

*wraps him up*

[gwendolynmstacy.livejournal.com]

*nod* Noted.

[softgraysky.livejournal.com]

*feels heart breaking*

I think maybe John told him to take care of Sammy so much, not because Dean needed reminding or because he was forcing that role onto Dean, but because...his world had just gotten thrown apart and he launched into a new, scary one with two small kids and unbearable grief and confusion. He was trying to keep everyone safe, while trying to track down the YED, while trying to keep the random person safe from the bad things in the dark.

So yeah, he relied on Dean to look after Sam. I don't think there was anything else he could have done.

Dean's self-esteem issues make me want to wrap him up in blankets and warm feelings. But also the more I think about it? The more I wonder what could have happened differently during Dean's life so that he'd have higher self-esteem. Maybe if John had kept Dean in the dark as he did with Sam, even for a little bit longer.

But...I don't think the Winchesters would have survived had that happened.

Oh, boys.

I rambled. Sorry!

[earlofcardigans.livejournal.com]

I think maybe that Dean just wanted something to blame for his mother's death. He didn't know exactly what to do. He was just a little kid, but he took up John's crusade because he didn't have anything else. The demon!him was saying things that were burying in his subconscious. Things maybe Dean doesn't even believe on a regular day.
He took John's coat and John's car and John's music because he really did believe he was a superhero.

It's not that John was such a horrible father, he just didn't know what to do on his own with two kids and finding out there are things out there that he knows nothing about and can't protect anyone from.
I don't know. I have conflicting John opinions on any given day. Today I happen to like him.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I like your thoughts.

[iceandlime.livejournal.com]

John didn't have to tell him, but he still did. Dean would have done it anyway, of course.

I don't get the people who are acting like Dean meant those things he said about John. He was angry - and he'd kept these things locked up for a long long time. I don't know one person who doesn't say something they don't mean when they're angry.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

This is very true.

[iceandlime.livejournal.com]

And I am guessing Dean felt guilty as hell for saying that, after the fact.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I liked the ramble - and yeah, it seems that maybe John didn't really have any other options. Well, okay. He could've given the boys up for adoption, I suppose but then we wouldn't have a show or we'd have a very different show.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

That or he's too tired and scared to care anymore.

[iceandlime.livejournal.com]

Quite likely. And how heartbreaking is that.

Oh Dean.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

*wraps Sam around him*

[pippilottah.livejournal.com]

You trying to make me cry? Because then you might be succeeding a little.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Nah, wasn't trying for that. *pets*

[pippilottah.livejournal.com]

I can never watch that thing without crying and then I usually end up crying throughout the entire episode.

Oh hey, did you see that the actress who plays Ava was on Psych recently?

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Nah, I haven't been watching Psych. How was she in her role?

[pippilottah.livejournal.com]

She was okay. She played this model who hated everybody and she cried a lot.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

and then she turned into a werewolf and killed everyone?

[pippilottah.livejournal.com]

I don't she was the killer but let's just say she was :P

[bigmamag.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking a lot about how they've been really bashing John this year, and I came to a positive conclusion: I think it's a natural way of letting go and agree with how they're doing it thus far.

See, after he died, Dean was mad at him for selling his soul and couldn't even speak at all about his father. That entire year was Dean holding shit in, and not speaking so ill of the dead because, after all, what can you say about a poor man who's in hell? Talk about speaking ill of the dead! Now that John's not in hell and Dean's going there, Dean's almost allowed to be a bit bitter, especially as he's been bottling shit up and has only exploded in this one episode. I think we get little reminders that John wasn't the worst dad on the planet, sometimes from the sons but especially from other characters, like when Bobby or some other minor character tells them that "Your daddy raised you right." So yeah, John made mistakes and he's not exactly daddy-of-the-year, but I think the boys will see him in a more positive light if they can get Dean out of this deal and get all the nasty daddy issues out and in the open.

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

Ooh. I like those thinky thoughts.