Remember when Dean said...

[certainthings]

Dean: You know, when we were little-- you couldn't been more than 5 -- you just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom? Why do we always have to move around? Where'd Dad go when he'd take off for days at a time? I remember I begged you-- "Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know." [chuckles softly] I just wanted you to be a kid...Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you...Keep you safe...Dad didn't even need to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job... I had one job... [voice breaking] And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry. [wiping away the tears] I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? [crying] What am I supposed to do? Sammy. God. [sniffles] What am I supposed to do? [inhales sharply] What am I supposed to do?!

Comments

[softgraysky.livejournal.com]

*feels heart breaking*

I think maybe John told him to take care of Sammy so much, not because Dean needed reminding or because he was forcing that role onto Dean, but because...his world had just gotten thrown apart and he launched into a new, scary one with two small kids and unbearable grief and confusion. He was trying to keep everyone safe, while trying to track down the YED, while trying to keep the random person safe from the bad things in the dark.

So yeah, he relied on Dean to look after Sam. I don't think there was anything else he could have done.

Dean's self-esteem issues make me want to wrap him up in blankets and warm feelings. But also the more I think about it? The more I wonder what could have happened differently during Dean's life so that he'd have higher self-esteem. Maybe if John had kept Dean in the dark as he did with Sam, even for a little bit longer.

But...I don't think the Winchesters would have survived had that happened.

Oh, boys.

I rambled. Sorry!

[certainthings.livejournal.com]

I liked the ramble - and yeah, it seems that maybe John didn't really have any other options. Well, okay. He could've given the boys up for adoption, I suppose but then we wouldn't have a show or we'd have a very different show.